Best. Toy. Ever!

Say cheese!

I missed a beat yesterday with my post All about the prezzies! I totally forgot to include the most played with toy this Christmas. The boys scored some awesome toys, (you already had a scooby at the Hot Wheels garage, right?) but the best toy ever - at least for our 23 month old - is this cheap ass helicopter spinner Momma picked up in the end of Summer clearance sales at Dollar General.

I bought one for each boy and they still had their original 2 dollar stickers on when Mommy wrapped them up with Santa's paper on Christmas Eve. That wasn't what I paid for them though! They were 75% off - and the last two on the shelf. So a whopping 1 dollar in total for the best toys of Christmas 2012.

Bargain!

Boy V Girl

What really is the fuss all about?

So we're having a girl next. Big deal!? Aren't boy and girl babies all the same?

The rapturous hand-clapping and delight that we receive each time we reveal our imminent baby's gender is incredibly infectious and, admittedly, I'm pretty frikkin excited about the 'new experience'.

But what 'new experience' exactly, are we in for?




What was it the smart-mouthed kid in Kindergarten Cop piped up with?

Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina!

Well yes they do, and we already know that much, but nothing too different really happens with those bits until they're teenagers, right?

Wrong.

With my two little lads - and me being a lady - I'd yet to stumble across a gender specific problem that had me bowing down to Daddy's superior knowledge, until yesterday, when our almost 3 year old woke up from his nap with his usual buddy, Mr Woody. And I'm not talking about his Toy Story pal here.

When the indie-rock band oracle Oasis wowed all us Brits back in the 90s with (What's the Story) Morning Glory? I have to fess up, I had no idea what a 'morning glory' truly was! It took me and my vanity a wee while to accept that my first real boyfriend's early morning magic trick of erecting a pole-free tent under the duvet had nothing to do with my irresistible sleep-drunk self, nor with him rousing with romantic intentions.

He quite simply needed to pee.

I recall even earlier than that, a school boy friend crudely making reference to having to do a hand-stand in the morning to 'take a pis*'. I guess it's only finally sinking in. I'm not slow - OK, well maybe a little it seems when it comes to knob knowledge. Not all knob knowledge. Don't go pitying the hubs now - this is our third baby on the way after all!  

Anyway, our almost-three-year-old has been on a dry stretch when it comes to night-time and nap-time pees - knock very hard on real wood after writing that Momma! I'm so excited about his bladder going-the-distance, that maybe I'm a little over-zealous at getting him plonked on the pot as soon as he wakes up, and unsurprisingly he's not super receptive to my preemptive potty push.

So yesterday, when I harassed Daddy to get the pot in position, after big boy emerged from his afternoon nap looking all sleep-swept, I got admonished.

"You don't understand. He can't when it's like that."

No - I don't understand. I don't have a penis.

Don't you have to try and pee a little to help the flag come down? Oh, I see! You just have to wait a few minutes for the anthem to finish....  What happens if you're not sitting pretty waiting for the moment? Can you hold your pee after the temporarily 'erected' dam finally lowers - can a three year old?

Of course I don't know these things. I'm a girl.

Foreskin retraction and cleaning has had me stumped a little in the past too - but what more could the hubs possibly know about this than me? My British roots puts me at somewhat of an advantage when it comes to willy 'hood' maintenance!

Other than these teeny-weener trials, it's all been mostly Mommy manageable, until now.

Oh wait! I forgot about Daddy's 'pull it down' lecture on potty (and hovering) penis positioning - Mummy has been known to let the hose shoot backwards, upwards and even overboard at times. And then of course there's standing up to pee. Not something I'm experienced in myself....  except after watching The Full Monty for the first time when I let curiosity get the better of me!

I'm sure, much further down the road, there'll be plenty of wet-dreams, masturbation mishaps and other male-issues that will have my once-upon-a-time Mommy's boys banishing me from their room.

I only hope Daddy will be ballsy enough - and not too 'testy' - to man-handle these penis problems. At least he's got a 'helmet' to protect him! (haha - had enough of the puns yet?)

But seriously, what about a girl?

Daddy will be putty in our little miss's hands for sure. Both boys have been breast obsessed, will our Daddy's girl be the same!?

As far as I can tell, my only bit of mindful advice thus far is to wipe from front to back. Yep right. I knew that from my own muff maintenance. OK, Got it. I'll remind Daddy.

My subconscious is chanting .....periods, pill, PENISES! over and over. Hopefully we've at LEAST a decade of dolls and tutus before all the puberty pandemonium prevails.......

Is there more? Should we be worried? What really is all the fuss about?

NOT a girl!

No, I'm not talking about the gender of baby bump (although stranger things have happened!). I've heard horror stories of closets crammed with pink clothes, tutus and bows, and nurseries all pinkified, set to welcome in a bouncing baby boy?! We don't have much to worry about on that score, with our lack of pink prep, and bags of boy clothes, if the sonogram was on the money, we'll be rearing a tomboy for sure!

I'm actually referring to our handsome toe-head number one son, who's golden locks I love so much I just can't bare to chop em... but chop em I have done! My boy's first haircut (last summer) was an attempt to even out the mullet which I heartily denied he ever sported - and it made a drastic difference! I was so heartbroken at first (I kept a lock for prosperity), but then I fell in love with the little guys new 'boy' look,

Sporting a mullet, Aug 2011

and I thought he looked EVEN prettier,  if that's possible!!

I just can't stop looking at my boys' faces - it's a bit of a safety hazard when I'm driving - they are so darn beautiful!

Birthday  'boy' cut, Sep 2011

His last two haircuts were just to tidy up his fringe (bangs) - much to Daddy's disapproval - although I'm sure Daddy would heartily disapprove of the glittery clips and such required to keep those irritating bangs out of our boys eyes while he's growing his rock star locks!


But 6 months on and our boy's hair was back to girly length, and no matter in what get-up he's clad in - the public just can't seem to accept a little boy with such a thick mop of white golden hair! Frequently now, in the check-out queue or browsing aimlessly around the Target dollar bins, so many people like to praise our girl,  "isn't she pretty?" (which I don't deny, he is very pretty). I also get the slightly less brave - more diplomatic... "Is he a ..girl?" query, which - to be honest - doesn't come off nearly as well as a blatant faux pas. C'mon people - you've a 50:50 chance of getting it right! Check out the shoes- the T-shirt... I leave enough clues to save everyone the embarrassment - but all eyes can't help but be drawn to that oh so girly thick white mane.

Goldilocks, Easter 2012

And I can't talk - my one of my most mortifying memories had me questioning a 'man's' presence in the ladies bathroom at the University Guild, only to have the He-Ra turn around and state in a clearly feminine and dead-pan tone "I'm not a man, I'm a girl." That was a sure fire moment I wished for the ground to open up and swallow me whole!

I might put my lack of gender differentiation down to being a tad bit alcoholically impaired, but still, no girl likes being called a man, and likewise no Mama likes her baby girl being called a boy (hence the recent trend of Minnie Mouse head bows)..


Anyway - today was the day I finally succumbed to public pressure and lopped his lovely white mop off.. AGAIN. And it took me forever! I'm no coiffure - and contrary to popular belief - cutting hair is not as easy as it looks. A two  - going on 3 - year old turned out (unsurprisingly) not to be a willing guinea pig for Mummy's learning curve and getting the wee manny to sit still for any length of time was a bit of a trial!

I trimmed him first off over mac 'n'cheese.... and I turned my cool cat into a choir boy.

So I trimmed his new neat 'bob' again during a NetFlix marathon of Chuck.... and I created an uneven ridge. I'd have been better using a mixing bowl......!

So I trimmed his jagged hairdo again out on the deck with a Kinder Hippo treat bribe to buy me some time.......  I wish I could say third time was a charm - it wasn't. But it was an improvement.

front 

sides

It's still a pretty shoddy job - if you look close enough - but at a glance it's not too bad at all. I'm not entirely satisfied, so I'm bound to upset the little man by touching up my handiwork again tomorrow. The last haircut took a few days until I was happy with the result. Daddy just got some beard shears, so maybe I'll try a number 2 setting on the back...



Go steady Momma! I'm not ready for my baby to get a buzz cut.. just yet.