Mommy factions!

(I wrote this post way back in 2012, but I was too afraid of its transparency to publish it 'real time'.)

This is possibly the hardest blog I've ever written. Particularly because it involves a large chunk of my audience who are also my real life friends: The Mommas.

let's hear it for the boys!

Our 17 month old 'baby' boy cuddling his newborn baby sis. 

After "Is she a good baby?"....

(She's a wonderful baby - of course! Aren't all babies 'good' babies? I can't imagine any Mommy actually saying 'Oh no she's bad... really very baaad!') 

and "How's Momma doing?" (Sore hooch, actually... thanks for asking... Oh, TMI? Well then why did you ask?)

The next big question on everybody's lips is:

"What do those big brothers think of their baby sis?"

I was pretty sure easy going big kid - our almost 3 year old - would handle baby sis's arrival no bother. The little 'un though - our 17 month old 'baby' - I was a little more concerned about.

Up until a couple of days before the birth he'd been my all night snuggle buddy. And his name had been 'baby' (y) ever since he was born. (Our firstborn was 'baby' (x) also, even though he had no bigger siblings - lots of older cuz's though - Momma just likes the 'baby' prefix).

Dropping the prefix 'baby' has been a big step for all of us.

Our newborn daughter 'baby' (z), has now picked up the prefix, and middle kid loves LOVES calling her 'baby'. He's got the word and the sign down pat!

Whereas before he'd enter the room and point at me in glee exclaiming "Momma!", Mommy may now just as well be chopped liver. He only has eyes for 'baby' - well, unless Kitty Cat is in the room.

Our timing with the kitten couldn't have been more perfect. We've seen a nurturing side develop in middle kid (I really need to think of better kid code names) over just a few short weeks.

He picks that kitty up and carries it all over the house, and the eager look in his eyes when he approaches baby sis makes Mommy a little nervous.

Kitty's getting a little quick for him. Baby sis is ripe for the picking up!

But as sweet and loving as he may seem, the 'Hyde' in him can come out of nowhere at anytime - so I have to watch him like a hawk. His behavioral pattern is pretty random:

Baby (y) kissing baby (z)

kiss, stroke, WHACK!

kiss, kiss, WHACK!

kiss,stroke, pat, kiss, kiss, stroke..... going good...

"Aww, what a good big brother....!"

WHACK!

Don't worry, he hasn't made contact.... yet. He gives the rest of the family including poor Kitty Cat the same tough love treatment, so it's nothing personal. It just has Mommy on eggs.

She'll be a tough 'un for sure!

I find though, that the more cuddles he's allowed with his baby sis the gentler and more helpful he is. He just handed Momma a wad of wipes - like 15 - and a swim diaper when he saw me changing her.

OK, so neither were needed, but any 'help' from my 17 month old is very much appreciated!

Our eldest holding his baby sister.

Big big brother is brilliant with both his siblings. He has the patience of a saint with little bro, and he loves holding his baby sis.

"She's sooo cute!" is one of his current catch phrases. One I find particularly endearing when he uses it to refer to Mommy!

He gently cuddles, strokes and kisses baby sister all the time.

Incredibly we've had no jealous tantrums - not a one - due to Mommy spending so much time with baby. Their maturity, and acceptance in my telling them "Mommy can't right now" is mind blowing. I'm so proud of them.

I think Mommy is feeling the rift more than the boys are.

*Sob... They barely miss me!

OK, so I know that's not true. But they've quickly gotten over their sad bereft moments that inevitably surface every now and then when Mommy's not around.

It has so much to do with Daddy being on summer vacation and all our fabulous friends and family rallying around us. The boys have had a blast over the past week.- particularly while we were in the hospital!

With all the extra attention and activities there's been no time to really miss Momma.

Even at night- they've been so shattered - not snuggling Momma hasn't been too much of an issue....

When everything gets back to 'normal' - whatever normal is - that will be the real test of their willingness to share Mommy with the pink clad cuckoo in the nest.

I've definitely noticed a quiet concern for Mommy - and baby sis - in big kid. He's been privy to all the Mommy's-having-a-baby conversations, and I think he got the gist of it all as best an almost-three-year old can:

Mommy needs to see the Doctor............Mommy is sick.................
Baby sis is coming out of Mommy's tummy...........
Mommy has a boo boo..........Mommy can't pick up big kid or little bro.......
Baby sis wants Momma's milk...

His incredible understanding of it all and his care and concern for Momma makes my heart clench.

Our middle 'baby' pointing at baby sis
 and exclaiming "Baby!"

When they all arrived at the hospital on Tuesday morning to meet baby sis I was desperate for my boy cuddles. Those 14 hours had been the longest I'd ever been away from either of them.

Little brother is definitely a snuggler, but he only cuddles on his time, so I was lucky to get a brief squeeze before he wanted down.

My big kid, however, wanted nothing to do with me.

That was hard to swallow. I thought perhaps he was miffed that I hadn't been around.

I tried hard not to be concerned about it and thought if I gave him some space he'd get over it.

Both boys were really excited about meeting baby sis though. They fawned over her with delighted squeals of "Soo cute!" (our big kid) and "baby!" (our former baby).

When big kid was asked if he wanted to take little sis home with him he looked genuinely horrified.

"No! Baby needs to be with Doctor!" He patiently explained to us all.

Eventually he agreed to sit in front of me on the bed.

"Hi baby," I said to big kid (I know... confusing, right? But he's still my baby after all!)

"Hi Mommy," he said (he likes it when I call him baby)

I put my arms around him and kissed his temple. He leaned back against me and patted my leg before asking tentatively.

"You OK Mommy?" followed shortly by "Are you sick Mommy?". I reassured him that I was OK. He pointed to the band-aid where my hep-lock had been.

"What's this?" After I told him it was a boo boo he leaned over and kissed it.

He's my angel baby.

Big kid softly stroking baby sister's head.

We've had a handful of similar heart clenching exchanges since the birth. He always asks if baby sis is OK too. Especially when he sees that she's missing from my arms.

Then the other night I leaned in to tuck him in and kiss him good night and lighting fast his little arms wound around my neck tight and he wouldn't let go. He whispered the same few questions over to me.

I swear it just about broke Momma's heart. He had missed me - but more than that - he was afraid to lose me again.

We all accompanied baby sis to see the pediatrician yesterday afternoon, and our big brave kid was a little perturbed to be hearing the word 'Doc' once again. Still trying to figure the world out, he put two and two together and made cinco.

On his way out of the Doctor's office he didn't want to go on ahead to the car with Daddy and leave Mommy behind to settle up. A momentary panic set in.

"You coming too, right Mommy?" He cried out in alarm.

"Right angel."

My boys couldn't have handled the arrival of baby sis any better. In fact, they've both come along leaps and bounds in the short week that baby girl has been in their world. I swear they both grew 12 inches while I was in the hospital - but of course we've got a new(born) point of reference now...

*Sniff.... Neither of my baby boys are babies anymore.

They are protectors now and I know they'll do a great job taking care of and watching over baby sis - even if that means roughing her up and getting her ready for the real world!

Our little lady is the luckiest little sister in the world, after all, no one messes with a girl with two big brothers!

no babies allowed!

Our almost 3 year old is such a friendly and outgoing kid. He'll walk up to anybody and say 'Hi!' with a big smile on his face - especially other kids, all of which he calls 'friends', even the ones he's never met before!

I'm finding his super social side somewhat terrifying and fabulous all at the same time. He's not shy and doesn't know to exercise caution around strangers. Mommy on the other hand is obsessed by the ever present dangers of strangers! I don't want to scare him into his shell, but at the same time I don't want him climbing into the back of  a transit van, lured by the offer of a puppy to stroke or a pack of sweeties!

The other downside to his super-friendly nature is dealing with rejection. It's an incredibly heartbreaking thing for Mommy to cope with when these 'friends' don't reciprocate his offer of friendship!

And recently I'm finding the meanie-kids hard to deal with on my boy's behalf. As opposed to corporal punishment as I am, when a much older kid is mean to my loving little manny I'm feeling an unwelcome urge to smack em one!

Luckily so far, he doesn't seem too phased by the kids that are not so friendly towards him, at worst he seems a little confused at their reticence to respond or join in.

It's happened to him on a few occasions now where an older kid has told him to 'get out' or 'go away' because 'babies aren't allowed in here!'. I feel like someone is squeezing my heart and it's all I can do to stop my own tears from falling.

Yesterday he was dancing in his Grandma's studio, and he invited some older girls hanging about outside the room to come and dance with him.

"Come dance please!" he smilingly welcomed them into the studio in his high pitched voice and gesturing with his hand. But they didn't answer him. He repeated the invitation a few times and they just looked blankly at him. He looked to me confused and I just smiled and danced him into distraction.

Today was the worst yet though. My little fella was decked out in a Spiderman costume at a friend's house party. He loves dressing up, and he was overjoyed to find this superhero suit just waiting for him in a playhouse outside.

This one had a proper hooded mask which he eagerly pulled over his head, so he was really well disguised.

There were a lot of bigger kids at the party playing in the bedrooms, where all the toys were at, and my master of disguise had disappeared in one of rooms.

I went in search of him, and found that one door was closed, and I could hear a kid inside saying 'There's a baby in here!' in a not-so-friendly tone, followed by 'We don't want babies in here!'    

I didn't mess around knocking! I went in to find my super little guy had climbed up onto the top bunk of a pink princess bed and was stroking a kitten. He looked adorable in his costume and strangely vulnerable too.

And the meanie kid - who was about seven years old, and looked just like the really annoying know-it-all kid on Polar Express - had climbed up the side of the bed and was leaning over our little one telling him he wasn't welcome.

I couldn't see the look on my boy's face due to the hoody, but it was fairly obvious he was glad to see me. He showed no signs off upset, except he wanted out of his Spiderman clothes - 'Take it off Mum' is all he said, then he jumped down into my arms.

I made sure to keep a happy smile pasted on my face, though I was seething at the bigger boy's rotten behavior. And my tummy was in turmoil that my baby's feelings had been hurt.

I'm sure I'll have to contend with much worse in the future, and our kid will eventually realize not everyone in the world wants to be friends with him, but for now, I'd like to keep him bubble wrapped and safely away from all the meanie-pies out there who might rain on his happy parade!