Momma's got a parasite

"She's such a happy baby!" everyone gushes about Miss Dagny. 'Humph!' Thinks Mommy. There's a boatload of boob action behind that apparent happiness. And that's not because the girl doesn't eat real grub. She gives her Daddy a run for his money for daily calorific consumption!

She is just -quite frankly put - overly partial to her mama's tatas. More so than the boys (at least from what I can remember) which surprises me. For some Freudian reason I'd presumed that boys would be more into the boobs than girls.

Dagny finds it hard to be in the presence of Mommy without her lips attached. Whenever I enter the room Daddy swears on her former happiness but her incessant wailing for Mommy makes it somewhat hard to believe. The wailing doesn't end when I pick her up. Instead it heightens in intensity as she dives for my shirt front.

If I don't pull down my shirt STAT all Hell will break loose. She throws a big angry girl wobbly. It's so very high pitched that I imagine the dogs, way up high on our hillside, have their ears hitched up in response to her cries. My only safe course of action is to lay her down on the carpet so she doesn't hurt herself. Often one of her big brothers will step up and distract little sis out of her tantrum, but sometimes she won't let up until she gets her way. The little madam.

For the past few months her sharp new teeth have been cutting slowly and laboriously through her tender pink flesh, which must do quite a bit more than simply tickle her gums. It takes a tougher soul than this momma to deny a baby girl natures anesthetic. But that doesn't explain the instantaneous 'need' that develops when she casts eyes on her mommy.

If I were a cartoon character every time Dagny looked at me I would transform into two floating milk bottles!!!

If I don't limit her boob time ~ allowing for her hunger and teething pain plus a bit of old-fashioned comforting ~ she very quickly expects access 24/7. Not the most practical set-up with two very busy boys taking equal parts share in Momma's time.

Some days I have resorted to topless floor games in order to satisfy all my kids' attention needs. Either conveniently - or skillfully developed out of sheer necessity - Dagny does not need to be nursed in a conventional way. She will quite happily play and crawl and climb over her brothers to get to a 'teet'.

This third child more than any of the others has demonstrated to me just how animalistic we humans can be. She also makes her momma feel like a world record-breaking multi-tasker! My hands can be holding a book or playing cards or building a Lego bridge with Lennox, and she can be standing beneath my raised arms with her hands braced against my tummy suckling milk while I carry on a pretty grown-up conversation with big kid ~ all at the same time. Like Lennox she is a go-getter - only her knack for independently hunting down Momma's milk has put her ahead of the race.

This curious skill that my daughter has developed makes for very interesting nighttime activity. She is like a miniature acrobat in the family bed and, despite my best attempts to thwart her, she will gain access to my boobies no matter what. A sure fire way for me to piss the little lady off is to wear a T-shirt to bed.

We might be in for more trouble than we know......

something better to do than blog...?

I want to test my ability to pull a post out of my ass. No, I don't have a stick up there (we can talk about that some other day if you'd like).. I mean a blog post.

I thought I wanted to write, but all my inspired ideas are failing me now. This is the third 'new post' I've opened in the last 60 seconds. I'd better save my humdingers for when I've got at least half a brain operating.

I guess I'm not in the mood for anything that requires coherent thought.

stupid is as stupid does....

Really?? Is this ex-Petroleum Engineer (and physics major) actually admitting to typing the question, Why do we feel lighter in water? into the Google search engine?

Momma floating at 9 months pregnant!

Top answer: Water is denser than air.

Well, duh!  (apparently Momma is getting as thick as two short planks!) 

Of course I already knew the answer.... Ah-hem. Well, once upon a time, I did....! 

Anyway, the question I was actually driving at was,

How come preggo Momma floats more easily (than not preggo Momma) when I'm 40lbs heavier, huh?

I didn't Google this. This next bit of science is ALL me.

It's simple, (really). In spite of all evidence to the contrary (i.e. fatter and stupider), my density while pregnant is less. With a tummy full mainly of water - and a vast increase in body fat - even though my mass and volume both increased, my volume went up MORE, so my d=m/v went down!

Booyah! See, I told you - piece of cake.

Getting the green light for some red light action!

*sigh.

What a fiasco that final trip to the OB/Gyn office turned out to be!

I'd debated (in my head) about whether or not the postpartum visit would be worth the gas money or even the stress of taking baby girl out on a car ride exceeding 15 minutes!

It was already paid for, so why the hell not, was the winning argument of the debate. Oh yeah, that - and the minor issue of birth control, which cropped up last week following a Crimson Tide!

Incidentally, NONE of my babies have liked being in the car - so much for short-cutting bedtime with a drive around the village.

Anyway, after lots of shushing, key jangling, car seat wiggling and only ONE stop - we pulled up at the OBs right on time (4:00pm).

Crimson Tide!

I can't believe I'm only 6 weeks post natal, TWO weeks post lochia, and Aunt Flo is already back in town!

They weren't kidding when they said every pregnancy was different! For each little manny I was given a much longer 'rag' respite. I think it was around the fifth/sixth month post natal - about the time the kids branched out from the breast and started scoffing cereal - when my period reared its ugly head.

One of the perks of breastfeeding is supposed to be an extended break from the blob, isn't it?