Blogging is like great sex... and who's got time for THAT?

Blogging is like great sex... and who's got time for THAT?? ;)

Seriously, when you're doing it everyday you can't get enough of it. It becomes an addiction. A craving. All day long your mind and body yearns for that moment of release... (perhaps only my fellow horny bloggers can relate?? You know who you are!!!)

But the satisfaction is short lived. No matter how great the blog. The warm glow never lasts. Once is never enough. You just want to do it all over again. Again. And again. And again.

Then for some reason you stop. You don't do it for a while and something happens. There's a change in you. You become indifferent. Suddenly the yearning disappears only to be left with nothingness. Your once cherished blog is neglected. You still like it and you're glad it's there if you feel the urge, but you have no real desire to touch it. You can take it or leave it....

And that, my friends, is what happened to Go Momma!

It hasn't been an unhappy Mommy blogging hiatus. On the contrary, I'm much happier focusing my energy and putting all my spare time into my fast-growing business; Passion Parties by Josie (side note: I'm definitely getting more great sex these days too...)

But now I think I've found a way to have my cake and eat it. I'm blogging again - even more passionately than ever!  Come visit me at my new sexier website herbedroomsecrets.com.

I'll see you there! :) :)

Do I come across as happy?

Recently I've started to wonder if my true self comes out when I blog, or, when a total stranger (like many of my readers) joins the dots together, is the picture that emerges skewed in the wrong direction?

Am I misinterpreting myself?

something better to do than blog...?

I want to test my ability to pull a post out of my ass. No, I don't have a stick up there (we can talk about that some other day if you'd like).. I mean a blog post.

I thought I wanted to write, but all my inspired ideas are failing me now. This is the third 'new post' I've opened in the last 60 seconds. I'd better save my humdingers for when I've got at least half a brain operating.

I guess I'm not in the mood for anything that requires coherent thought.

Just a blog after all.

When I started blogging, back in January, I made a strict promise to myself that I would only write for one hour every day - actually I think it was 30 minutes initially. That just seems crazy now.

I simply wanted to write without worrying about how 'good' it was. It was supposed to be my 'flow' time -  a time where I could forget everything else, and simply let my creative juices flow.

(7+1) random things on the back-burner!

So, I guess it's about time I addressed those shiny 'new' badges I'm brandishing on my sidebar!

Over the past few weeks months I've been showered with awesome accolades on my Go Momma! site, AND on my shamefully neglected Across the Pond blog.

The latter clause proves just how remiss I've been on fulfilling my end of the bloggie award bargain!

I haven't even posted in Across The Pond in well over a month! And if I'm not mistaken (I'll have to go trawling through my comments to check) I think I received those awards BEFORE I gave birth to the little lady... and she's coming up on 11 weeks now.

Go Momma!

Thank you bucket loads to my new bloggy friend Alex, author of My Froley, for linking to me in her '11 Things' blog post the other week!

Yes, I know that was ages ago - I'm still working on my back-blog!

After only 7 months blogging - less than 6 in the public eye - I'm still very much a newbie to the wonderful world of blogging. Only recently have I started to find some fabulous friends within my blogosphere, and to be honored by one of them with this Liebstar Blog Award tickles me pink! 

I blog mostly for me (honest I do), but it's very nice to learn that someone else out there kinda digs me too... As we all need a bit of an ego stroke at times I am thrilled to bits to pick up the Liebster Blog gauntlet (yeehaa!) and pay it forward to some of my finest blogging friends!

Liebster Award rules (if you choose to humor Momma and the Liebstar legacy):

1) Answer my 11 probing questions (you don't have to ramble on like mouthy Momma - if you can say it in a one liner, those probably pack plenty enough punch)
2) Think of 11 questions of your own
3) Choose 11 worthy bloggers (who have fewer than 200 followers) to interrogate and pay it forward!


Eleven (rambling) answers for My Froley (and for you too):

1. What is the thing you enjoy most about blogging? 

I can be me - maybe a cleaned-up, toned-down, hubby approved version of me, but still me. And I absolutely love writing my stories - it's a most affordable therapy at the end of the day. Not long ago the hubs asked me Why do you blog? When I said I loved to write, it wasn't enough for him. He wanted to know why clicking 'publish' was important. As he pointed out I could easily write without sharing my stories with the world. I told him it was like training for a race. No matter how hard you train, you don't usually hit your PB until the heat is on. Clicking 'publish' for me is like being on the starting block - Seeing as tho' the Olympics are on I felt an athletics analogy was in order.

2. What are the top 3 songs on your playlist right now?

Ambient Rain Sounds, Ba Ba Black Sheep, and Signing Times with Alex and Leah (Seriously!). I'm a bit embarrassed to admit I don't actually have my own playlist at the mo. But when would I get time to listen to it - let alone compile it? I get my main musical fixes from kids' shows and their music CDs in the car - but even those have been usurped recently by my minivan's magical movie player! Don't worry - I'm not completely devoid of music in my life. The hubs will often plug his old Ipod into the speaker dock when he's chilling and grilling on the deck and it's super healing for me to hear a classic rock tune belting out. Last week I escaped alone to my Doc appointment so I took Daddy's car and Head over Feet by Alanis Morissette was blaring out on his radio. I sang (well, screamed) my lungs out!

3. What is your favorite movie and why?

I used to love that Brat Pack movie Reckless starring the oh-so-young and oh-so-yum Aiden Quinn - but seeing as though I'm not 15 anymore I'll go with that epic American Civil War classic and the greatest love story ever told, Gone With the Wind. 

I read (and subsequently fell in love with) the book when I was teenager, long before I ever saw the movie. The movie didn't disappoint me one bit; on the contrary it added music and beauty. Not only is the story itself romantic, but the fire between the ravishing (albeit mustached) Rhett and the striking and sexy Scarlett (yes sexy - even hidden under five hundred yards of fabric) rockets the movie right off the romance richter scale! The movie and its actors have that charm, grace and elegance that can only be found from the Golden Era of Hollywood!

If I had both DVDs in front of me now I'd still slap Reckless on though - and run about the house like the 'Kid In America' that I am! Footloose holds a similar power over me..

Aiden Quinn and Daryl Hannah about to get their 'rocks off' to
 Kim Wilde's Kids in America . (Reckless, 1984) 

4. What is your happiest childhood memory?

For some reason I'm finding it hard to isolate specific memories - I bet I remember loads after I've clicked the publish button - but family holidays in Bridlington (where all of my Brit family are gathered this very week) spring straight to mind. I used to love (and still do) walking around Bridlington harbour. I don't think any place on Earth holds quite the same nostalgia for me. Childood memories of Spain just don't hold a candle to the amalgamated aroma of fried breakfasts, fish and chips, donuts and coffee mingled with the fishy smell of the sea! 
  

Harbour Road, Bridlington

I thought long and hard about this question. I closed my eyes and tried to conjure an actual memory and all I came up with was my twin brother peeing over the harbor wall onto a seagull's head! We were about 23... only kidding. We must have been about four at the time.

5. What would your ideal job be, if you could do anything?

I'm doing it! I'm actually lucky enough to be working the ideal job I coveted for years before making my break from the Oil Industry. I'm still in training - I'm not sure what (if any) qualifications will ever deem me 'professional'.... But who the hell cares (really). I'm a most hard-working, and emotionally rewarded SAHM (stay-at-home-Momma) and I LOVE IT! I'm paid in the strongest currency on Earth - love and hugs! 

OK - I know my non-Mommy friends are starting to spew about now. So I'll cut the nappy crap. Ten years ago I would have said travel journalist. I'd have loved to work for National Geographic magazine. Life has somewhat changed (for the better) and now, galavanting off to exotic faraway places without my kids in tow seems like hell on Earth! These days I'd settle for being a parenting mag journalist, or even editor (why not?)! 

6. What is your favourite book you’ve read?

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. Also Gone with the Wind (see above). No wait.. I've got it... It has to be The Earth's Children 6 book series (starting with The Clan of the Cave Bear) by Jean M. Auel. My hubs recommended I read them when we lived in Scotland after which he didn't see me for nearly a month. I was so captivated he had to drag me out from under my duvet kicking and screaming! It has everything I love in a book; history, fantasy, sci-fi, spirituality, and (more to the point) sex - GREAT explicit romantic sex (and lots of it) - just wait until you get into book two!  

7. Where do you see yourself in 20 years?

Somewhere (anywhere) with the hubs, helping our +3 babies through college. If I have managed to publish a few books and/or articles and be making a respectable living on the side (the side of Mommy-hood that is) that would be the icing on the cake.   

8. If you could meet one person, past or present, that you have never met who would it be?

MJ looking very cute here!

Michael Jackson - he was one fascinating, effed-up MOFO.  
     

9. Where is your favourite place in the world that you've been?

The Galapagos Islands - where my own love story A Darwinian Love Affair took place.

10. What is a positive inspirational quote you believe in?

I don't know many inspirational quotes off the top of my head - I'd have to go Googling around to find something profound (and that's just cheating). The following phrases spring to mind though: 

"Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups!" 

I thought my twin bro coined it - apparently it's from that classic movie Under Siege 2! Going along the same vein I also like: 

When you assume, you are making an ASS out of U and ME! 

Not positive and inspirational enough? Then I'll go with:  "You can't polish a turd."

11. What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
honest, talkative, easy-going (......am I close hun?) 

Go Momma wants to ask these eclectic eleven:

~*~Whatever~*~ (getting so damn popular you almost didn't make the cut!)
Cranky Old Man (very funny - but perhaps too cranky for this...?) 

Commonplace Crazy (intellectual and down to earth)
Stirring the Mud Puddle (easy breezy beautiful blogger)

Jlees's Blog (sending some reverence right back atcha girl) 

life on the c train (distant cuz - and oh, so FUNNY!)  

follow me home... (a lovely lovely lady) 

Slu's World (he's an ex-fireman - Need I say more?)

Love Conquers All (A thrill seeking travel blogger with lots to say!)

The Seaman Mom  (cruising through life - fabulous Mommy wisdom found here)  

Skyebird and Jules (bezzie mate's blog- I always want to hear what this lady has to say!)

.... these eleven probing (and mildly inappropriate) questions:

1. Who are you writing for (besides yourself) when you blog?

2. Which of your family members (if any) enjoy reading your blog?

3. How much information is TMI for you?

4. What's the worst 'groan' joke you can think of?

5. What subjects are off limits on your blog and why?

6. Have you offended anyone with your blog - would you care if you did?

7. What did you laugh about today?

8. When is the last time you cried and why?

9. What's the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you?

10. Who (can be ANYONE) makes you laugh the most - and why?

11. What's the funniest thing you've ever seen?

Congratulations on winning the Liebster Blog Award! I can't wait to read your answers....

anticipation....

Both kids are down for their noon time naps. So what on earth is this crazy 'on the Go' Momma doing up and blogging when I should be stealing my Zzzzzzs?

After all, it could all kick-off this afternoon (and I'm not talking about the Olympic soccer heats).......

Don't I need all the pushing power I can get?

Frustratingly I was almost asleep less than ten minutes ago - I had my nose nestled against our littlest's, with our breathing in sync and I was just reaching that delicious fuzzy about to drop off the edge of the world feeling, when a squeezing sensation in my intestines woke me right back up.

Straight away my brain shifted into high gear and all the cogs started whirring around, setting my body on high alert. Is this it?

You'd think that after two pregnancies it would be easy to recognize when my primed preggo bod is under 'starters orders' - but not so the case!

A heavy dose of anticipation makes it too easy to misread the slightest tummy sensations.

The onset of labor (at least for both boys) felt very much to me like a period poop. I know, I know - TMI right? I'm sorry, but there's just no better way I can describe it. 

So that's what I'm eagerly waiting for.

When I start to have slight period cramping in my tummy combined with a dull ache in my lower back and the urge to poop it's a fair guess that the little lady is on the move.

That wasn't quite the feeling that just woke me up, but it was close enough to get me excited. Just a bit of bladder pressure combined with a genuine urge to poop (easily mistakable).

Getting up off the bed for a potty break - especially without alerting baby boy to the fact that Momma is vacating the nest - is no easy fete.

I've mastered a somewhat nimble maneuver using my leg to brace my weight while I pull up to sitting. Then I can butt skooch to the edge of the bed. Alternatively, there's the rolling onto my hands and knees and crawling backwards off the bed option.

Either way those extra 38 pounds make it harder to keep Momma's momentum under control and each tiny shift can create an earthquake rippling effect across the family bed with the power to wake the dead (or at least the wee nipper...)

But not if I inch off ever so slowly..... and with girly pushing hard against my bursting bladder I often have to swallow some sharp and nasty blows during an already painful and painstaking process!

Once I've mastered getting off the bed, standing up is an even bigger challenge. Gravity can be such a bitch!

I don't remember having to cup my crotch before. But now, for some reason, I find it excruciating to waddle to the bathroom without holding on tight to my girly bits!

Thank God it's not an all day problem and I don't have to publicly grip my goods on my way to the ladies! Only when I first get out of bed and baby girl is sucked back down into a fully engaged position, does my hooch cry out for additional support....

Anyway, It turned out to be a false alarm of course. Just a regular everyday poop I'm afraid....

I probably should go back to bed - but I'm too damn excited.

I managed to squeeze in another prenatal check on Monday. I was hoping to be done with them weeks ago!

I even held off scheduling next week's appointment until today. I don't think I'll be needing it though....

OK, so I know even now (at 38 weeks) it's still a little premature to be expecting lady gaga to join the ranks, but I'm just so anxious to meet this bitty broad who's been bopping my bladder like crazy the last few weeks - and stretching my tummy in ways the boys never did!

She's been very generous on the stretching - until a week or so ago when a swirl pattern emerged around my belly button. My bump suddenly looks like a washing machine on full spin!

To be fair, I've been incredibly lucky on the stretch mark front - I guess I must be blessed with stretchy skin! My second baby was nice enough to give me a few battle wounds on the underside of my tummy, but those have since faded away to nearly nothing. 

Baby boy number one never left a single mark on my tum - barely any trouble at all that kid (both in and out of my belly)! 

He did, however, create strange stretch marks in a more - shall we say - unconventional place. And that was before stretching his way out of my vagina (btw I wasn't meaning my vagina....)

I remember Googling about stretch marks..  you know... in the...ahem... 'a' hole vicinity. I even plucked up courage to  ask the Doc, who you'd think would have seen everything.

Apparently not.

I remember feeling mortified when she asked somewhat aghast, 'How did you even find them?'

Oh c'mon! Doesn't everybody check themselves out in the mirror? Surely I'm not the only curious cat out there? Incidentally they seem to have disappeared altogether now... (Thank goodness for that - my porn star prospects aren't completely scuppered!) 

Which reminds me - this time around I'm hoping to watch the birth through a mirror. 

(Already rethinking this one!! A few accidental live birth image hits while searching for some (in)appropriate blog pics has this once-upon-a-time squeamish Momma quaking in my knickers!) 

I forgot to ask the Doc if they're set up for that - I could always get the hubby to hold a hand mirror if they're not...

Last week I put on a whopping 5 pounds! The Doc was very quick to reassure me that we preggos retain a lot of water in the last few weeks - nothing at all to do with the brownies then, eh? 

Baby belly was measuring spot-on though. I'm hoping she'll stay nice and tidy within the 7-8 pound region. My boys have made sure I'm already nice and prepped for that. 

Anything more and we'll be having to work on widening the gap..... not a pleasant thought!

The hubs has neglected to massage my perineum this time, and admittedly I'm not pushing for it. 

As intimate as the act may be, it's never been the most stimulating experience, having fingers and thumbs pull down and stretch the backside of my vagina opening - not exactly the foreplay you'd think it might be!

Instructional image showing *D.I.Y perineal massage.  

I'm not sure if the prenatal practice really does anything other than provide a hint of the sensation that is to come during crowning - and who the hell wants a taster of that? (unless of course, there's a hint of truth in that crowning orgasm legend....) 

The pinnacle burn - when baby's head finally pops through - is that rightful '10' on the pain scale that the nurses like to go by. It's a little tricky to provide an accurate number until the worst has happened.   

That stretch and burn - even without a rip - bites like a beeatch! 

When the hubby got out the olive oil last pregnancy I thought I'd handle the massage like a champ - I did have an experienced vagina after all. Who was I kidding!? And what a weeny I turned out to be! 

All the massage did was refresh my memory of the intense birthing pain that I'd buried in the deep dark depths of my mind - deep enough to make procreation only 9 months later seem like a top idea! 

This time I don't want to remember the pain until I'm thrust into the throes of it once again. That's probably why I'm not rooting for massaging my perineum and possibly why I declined the cervical check for the first time ever this week. 

The nurse clearly gave me an 'out' and I surprised myself when I took it. I've been given the right of refusal for the last three weeks now - and I'm really starting to get the impression that the Docs don't believe it's necessary. 

I think it has to do with this being my third baby. 

In spite of my curiosity I know the measurements don't really mean a jot. If I'm destined to leap from 5cm to 10cm and skip most of transition (like both my previous labors) I hardly think knowing whether I'm 1cm or 1.5cm will make much of a difference at this stage in the game. 

Daddy was a tad disappointed when I told him. I think he was hoping that a little 'Doctoring' would kick-start the birth. I'd rather not mess with mother nature thank you very much - although if Daddy wants to have a 'hand' in doing some agitating he's welcome to bring it on.....! 

The upshot is it could happen any time now. It would be convenient (and most considerate) if baby girl would oblige after a good 8 hours sleep, and before my sister-in-law leaves the state. 

Whenever she does finally decide to get a wiggle on, I'm sure we'll be ready for her!  

Daddy censorship - what do YOU think?

If you are reading this blog there's a fair chance for both of us that we have my hubs to thank for that.

Almost every single post has been proof read by Daddy wearing first his English Teacher hat, then his Husband Hat and finally, of course, his Daddy hat. It's a thankless task for Daddy, who's brutally honest feedback often incurs my wrath and frustration.

The most I can ever hope for is "It's good." I don't think he's ever gotten overly excited about any of my posts - except maybe A Darwinian Love Affair, and the neonatal novice, mainly due to the special memories these stories evoke.

I don't usually need to wait for his words to know if he likes it or not. He usually cringes, holds his hand to his heart, and looks somewhat pained at my choice of phrase. He'll laugh sometimes too which is music to my ears, as our sense of humor can drastically differ due to our cultural difference, gender, and basic personality type.

To be fair, the hubs 'gets' my often dark, definitely smutty, and sometimes off the wall sense of humor more than most; however, his limits are reached all too often in my blogging. I can't help what spills out of me as I type. I give myself a good giggle at times, while knowing it's not going to fly with the hubs.

Mostly though his prudishness will offset my gratuitousness, and hopefully the outcome (much to Daddy's dismay) is somewhere around the pleasantly smutty and a bit risque, but funny and inoffensive line. Following each reining-in session - and often blatant censorship - I often swear (sulkily) that I'm not listening to his feedback anymore.

I received some fabulous advice from a friend:

Think of your ideal reader - just one person - and write just for them. NEVER run your posts past your better half (hahaha). And write as honest and offensive as it gets in the beginning. (WTF?) 

His point being that my real audience will stick around, and those who don't like my blog won't return.

But that's OK (he assured me) - you'll never have to hover your finger over the 'publish' button again!  

As much as I loved ALL his advice, I've only really followed the first part of it. That's my prerogative... plus I'm a wuss.

I just want the balls to one time - just ONE time - publish something absolutely in the raw. Then see if the consequences would be catastrophic, or whether I would run off my audience altogether. But the truth is my hubs's sensibility will usually red flag the parts of the post that I am hesitant about myself.

I want to be true to my writing, I want to be funny and out there. I admit I get a bit of a kick out of the idea that my words might shock, or make someone blush.

I want to do all this while still protecting the privacy of my kids and hubs. The hubs is old enough to state his limits, but the kids aren't, so it often takes some discussion between the two of us to decide for them, what is too specific, what is funny and relevant, and what is sacred.

This is an impossible task to be sure. The limits I'm talking about differ for every one of us, and as much as I'm not setting out to offend my readers (Shock? YES. Offend? NO), I can't protect all of you either.

And so the censorship continues. And in spite of my buddy's great advice, the hubs still has a say over what stays and what goes.

Even after receiving Daddy's stamp of approval, there is often still a degree of hesitation before I click 'publish'. This hesitation is usually a good prediction of how popular the post will be - the more hesitation, the more popular the topic. Interesting huh?

So, if you're still with me this far down the post, now I'm asking - no, begging - for some raw and honest blog feedback from YOU! Please don't hold back - the hubs definitely doesn't. OK so he's running scared - but you don't have to live with me! I want some blog comments!

Blog comments are rare gems of insight into my readers thoughts - a blogger friend recently referred to them as 'bloggers' wages' - so please let me know how my blogging is going down at the comments section on the bottom of this blog post. 

If you've not got anything good to say, SAY it anyway!  

Who are you? How many posts have you read? Which was your fave and why? Which post sucked the most? Be honest - I might cry, but I might also improve. Without feedback I just can't tell if my stories are going down like lead balloons or whether they are hot to trot. My only indication of appreciation is the page-view counter, which is steadily clicking away.

I am not fishing for compliments - well maybe a few minnows would be nice. 

Torrential transfer....

Phew - I think I did it! The heavens have opened up and it's raining cats & dogs Texas style! Both boys have been haphazardly hauled inside our home AND put to bed for a noon nap - boo ya!

As soon as my rear view mirror delivered the good news that both bairns were out, my BLOG craving brain started hatching away the perfect plot to get them transferred with it hammering down outside....

I'm currently awaiting my almighty Momma's Day prezzie - it's supposed to arrive today - my very own personal Lap Top, for making one blog happy Momma truly happy! Papa bear has no idea just how many penis points he's racking up for this gift..

And once I'm all set - transfer worries maybe a thing of the past! I'll be letting the little ones sleep it out in our minivan. With me hooked up to the WI-FI, this Momma can 'Blog on the go'!

Shaking off my imminent future fantasy, I pulled the van up close to our screened in porch only to find it bolted from the inside. The dogs were furious at the change of parking location, leading to an exasperated Mommy upping the rabble by roaring back at the barking!

Moving fast, I raced over to the other entrance, and now I was up and moving, my internal lodger let me realize that I could really do with 'dropping off the kids'- before I went and got the kids! Dripping wet with my feet slip-sliding in my flip-flops, I flip-flopped whether or not to take a bathroom break pre-transfer. But, realizing it could possibly mean waving bye bye to any bodacious blog-time, I opted to 'hold on' and get the kids nap rooms ready for go - with their rain sounds, and fans on - and went in for my first transfer:

Transfer#1 The Baby; not always a smart first choice, but having been asleep in the car for the longest it was worth the gamble.... While careering around the car I noticed just how close my front wheels were to Daddy's outdoor plumbing - yikes! The little fella got some big nose splashes from the upper deck run-off, before I safely bundled him inside.

He lifted his head a few times - not a good sign - and my tugging off his wet crocks irked the dude a little. But still in his semi-roused snugly state I laid him down no messing and skedaddled outta there, holding my breath to await the fall-out... Nothing but quiet. Thankfully my gamble had paid off - Go Momma!

Off I raced back outside for my second transfer - clenching with all my might:

Transfer#2 The Toddler; a much easier transfer these days - and his awakening during the transfer doesn't usually deter my sleepy-head son from returning to his dream world. The 10 seconds of rain didn't impress him one bit, but all was soon forgiven and forgotten when I laid down his head on his choo-choo bed.

With the car still running and Momma desperate for my do-do, I still inexplicably returned outside to turn-off the engine first! I was soaked to the bone, and shivering furiously, so I shedded all my clothes and finding a kiddie hoody towel just conveniently dumped on the floor, I gave my body a vigorous rub-down...

I don't know what misguided motive makes me hold-off plonking down on the potty before my ducks are all in a row, but I still had a few more items to tick off first; get into my sloppy joe clothes, get a brew on...... get your priorities right Momma!!!

A few crucial seconds later - and almost touching cloth - I parked myself on the pot, finally able to relax and deliver my much delayed morning parcel! What a relief on all counts!