Sunday, January 13, 2013


The other week, I was sitting in the waiting room at the Health Clinic watching a little girl playing quietly on the floor with overly large (theoretically easier to share) bead toys.

Kids love those toys. At least all mine do (especially when they are coated in flu virus germs at the Doctor's office)

Her mom was sitting off to the side, foot rocking baby sis in her car seat. She'd been born a few days before Christmas and they'd only made it out of the hospital on Christmas eve - just in time to put their stockings out for Santa Clause. How do I know this?

Because I asked.

I'm one of those nosy waiting room occupants. I can't just keep myself to myself. I get bored. I start to fidget. And I find myself grinning inanely, if I catch a stranger's eye. Once I've reeled them in I start asking impertinent questions.

This is much easier to do with kids, which is convenient seeing as though I'm even nosier since I became a conversation deprived SAHM (just call me nosy Josie!)

I think I get away with a LOT because of my British accent. And my kids are cute. Well, they are.

(Maybe my iPhone will cure me of this annoying habit of talking to people.)

Anyway. The little girl, who looked about 4 years old, didn't say a word. She just kept on playing. I had Little Miss D with me. The boys were outside playing on the slide with Daddy.

Eventually the mom got called up to the front desk, which was behind a wall partition. She took her newborn with her, leaving her eldest daughter in the waiting room to continue play.

The little girl looked up from her toy the second her Mom was out of earshot and approached me and little Miss D.

"I like your baby." She said matter of factly.

"Thank you." I beamed at her compliment. Four year olds don't indulge in polite BS chit chat. Or so I thought....

"Do you have a sucker in your bag?" She meant a lollipop.

Well, dang. The little minx had just been buttering me up. And now she was trying to hit me up for candy! Admittedly I was taken off guard, but I still managed a sweeter than sweet response.

"I'm sorry baby, I don't." I really didn't, but there was no way she'd be getting one if I had (not just because I'm a stingy bitch, but also because I'd be terrified her mom would wallop me one!)

As soon as she realized I had no goodies to offer her she was done with me and Little Miss D. Clearly she didn't really like my baby all that much. Little bullshitter.

I watched her sidle over to the only other Momma in the room, who happened to have a baby boy sitting on her knee. We mommies exchanged amused knowing glances across the room as she started touching the little boy's shoes.

"I like your baby's shoes." She began, cunningly laying down the foundations of her lollipop hussle.

"Thank you." smiled the mommy, continuing conversationally, "They're from Old Navy." The little girl leaned on the empty chair beside the mommy and continued examining the Old Navy shoes for an appropriate length of time.

After 3 seconds or so (a long time for a little girl on the candy make) she pointed to the purse that was laying on the floor beneath the chair.

"Do you have a sucker in your bag?" she asked. I swear she batted her eyelashes.

"No Baby, I'm sorry." The mommy echoed my apology sympathetically, and I could see she was trying hard not to laugh. I'm not that diplomatic.

Thwarted in her hunt for a sucker, the little girl went back over to the bead toys and sat down just as her mom returned to collect her.

"Thank you for being such a big girl and waiting patiently." She praised her little angel, who smiled up at her proud mommy like butter wouldn't melt.

Neither of us mommies tattletaled about the daughter's sucker ruse. What happens in the Health Clinic waiting room stays in the Health Clinic waiting room.....


  1. So sly for such a tender age! Well, she provided a bit of entertainment for what could have been a boring wait. :)

  2. I see a miserable young man in that little girls future.

  3. So. Awesome. You really can't make this up. We had a rude little ingrate neighbor over a week ago who was scrounging for treats and I was highly unimpressed. Also she was an asshole to my kid. My favorite line was Little Bullshitter. :D

  4. That was my fav line too - Little bullshitter! Watch out for those...

  5. You should bring suckers for future visits. If you find any new bullshitters, you can pull out a lolly and start eating it. I'm super nice that way.