Sunday, October 7, 2012

hit me, hit me, HIT ME!

Hit me with your Rhythm Stick, a UK 'hit' pop song in the late seventies, is also apparently a euphemism for having sex, according to the Urban Dictionary - Momma's bloggy bible!

What I haven't been able to work out is; did Ian Drury know full well what his lyrics meant when he was speaking 'em (cos you can't really call that singing)? OR, did the euphemism come from this chart topping hit....?


See, it's supposed to be a line the GIRL says to the guy she's hoping to knock boots with - not the other way round. Was Ian Drury hoping for someone to hit him with their 'rhythm stick' (i.e. dick in cockney rhyming slang)?



But that doesn't make sense, unless of course he was gay (very likely) or heavily into his hanky-panky (pretty high odds also).

Or neither.

Oh, come on! That song is about as innocent as a group of nuns doing squats in a cucumber field.....

....is what I first thought.

However (after a bit more online poking around) the Urban Dictionary also claims that the term rhythm stick was an inference to Ian Dury's need of a walking stick due to polio...

Hmmm. Even if that is true - he must have meant it as a double entendre (surely?)

I grew up with this song, and yet none of the above ponderings ever polluted my head until just now. To be fair, I don't think I've even heard it since the 80's - many years before my first encounter with a rhythm stick!

I'm not sure where they came from now (my perverted ponderings, I mean)! I swear, one minute I'm thinking 'Yay - I've reached 10,000 hits!' - and before I know it Hit me with your Rhythm Stick is playing over and over in my head!

It doesn't take long for my brain synapses to go off on their own twisted tangents. I've been told before that I have a dirty DIRTY mind. My tacky sense of humour is more often than not wallowing in the gutter. I can't help it. They say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit - and I'm partial to a bit of that too - but lowering the tone to the basest of levels is Momma's specialty!

And now I've got proof - actual internet evidence of the crass caliber of Go Momma! I'm not proud - well, I guess I am, a little.

My Facebook allies make up the main bulk of my readership; however, a tremendous amount of random traffic is also coming in from Google.com!

Blogger has a fabulous feature which lets you see which sites and URLs your 'readers' (pageviews) are coming in from, and it even shows you which keyword searches are giving you the biggest hits.

Here's a snapshot from Go Momma's stats pages:

Top Ten keyword searches hitting Go Momma!

You'll notice that the top keyword search, censorship, is NOT a naughty word - thank the lord for small mercies! However, most of the rest of them are lewd enough to make even Momma blush - and I'm the bloody author!

If you want to know the lowdown as to why so many googly-eyed Google-ers are hitting Go Momma! keep reading.......


1. CENSORSHIP

Type censorship into the Google search box and you'll (eventually) hit one of my personal favourites Daddy censorship - what do YOU think? It's currently my most popular post - mainly because of this controversial (and very comical) image:


2. PUSSY MASSAGE

A-hem. I suspect typing pussy massage may have you 'INNOCENTLY' stumbling upon this image from one of my prenatal posts; anticipation...

Image showing how to massage the perineum. 

3. NO BABIES

Typing the keyphrase no babies into Google will hit my blog post entitled no babies allowed! currently my fifth most popular post, thanks to its clever title AND the following image:

4. VAGINAL FISTING

Holy hand-up-her-hooha Batman! I'm sure I've not blogged in any depth about such a thing - I may have jokingly likened this indelicate practice to a vaginal prenatal check in TMI Friday!, which, incidentally is my second most popular blog post of all time!

excerpt from TMI Friday!:

All the while I'm thinking about those poor cows who often have a vet's arm - sometimes both arms - stuck inside all the way up to their elbows! And inevitably I cant help my unruly thoughts flitting to the pornographic practice of fisting for fun - I mean WTF?

I'm sure any Google-ers searching for 'Vaginal Fisting' would be very disappointed to hit this blog post - no matter how funny it might be!

5. PUSSY FLOWER

Any regular reader of Go Momma! will know exactly what pussy flower is hitting on. This beautiful image (a copied url - sadly I can't take credit for such brilliance) is what put me on the 'Google' map - so to speak:

A larger than life labia.
Incidentally, can anyone spot the Virgin Mary?

6. PINK ELEPHANTS ON PARADE

I believe this keyword phrase is finding the following image (from that Disney classic Dumbo), which I used in my blog post with the exact same title Pink Elephants on Parade!


7. VAGINA FLOWER

See #5 above.

8. FLOWERS THAT LOOK LIKE VAGINAS

See #5 above.

9. KID PICKING HIS NOSE

These search keywords have been hitting on another one of Momma's personal favourites: Confessions of a bogey eater. Ironically I don't think this one went down well with most of my regular readers - possibly due to its unsavory subject!

This image is what's pulling in the punters - who knows how many (if any) are sticking around for the pickings though!


10. FLOWER PUSSY

See #5 above.


So that - in a nutshell - is why Go Momma's hits are way higher way earlier than I ever expected them to be! I'd given myself until Christmas to reach this mega milestone - 10,000 hits - and even that had been an 'impossible' challenge - at first.

When I started blogging back in January 2012, I didn't publicize ANY of my blog posts. It took me a month or so to start sharing them - and even then, it was only with a handful of close and trusted friends. Somewhere along the way I found the balls to bare all - well almost - to ALL, and instead of a handful of hits, each post is pulling in hundreds. Way to Go Momma!

And now, thanks to my gratuitous rehashing of my sordid stats sources - the hits should ramp up even further! Sneaky Momma....  

Speaking of gratuitous, let me introduce to you to the Joy of painting with Georgia O'Keeffe! If you only watch ONE You Tube video this year, let THIS be it! I think this is the funniest f***ing thing I have ever seen - thank you a thousand times over to to the Facebook buddy that linked this to my vagina flower post link!



If you didn't know what Go Momma! was all about before reading this post, you do now!

This may only be the first time you've 'hit' me - or one of many (HA! the double entendre is not lost on me) - but in the words of the (once upon a time) seductive Spears, Hit me baby, One More Time!

Britney Spears, Baby One More Time!

11 comments:

  1. Josie, this one had me laughing out loud. I can't believe people just type those words in and hit google like theyre looking for a cookie recipe. Hilarious. Well, you've given them their money's worth for sure. Love love your wit. Thank heavens there's someone swirling down in "in it" ; everyone can relate. I'm just glad you're saying (writing it) "out loud". Congrats on your 10,000+ hits (both on the computer and with any Rhythm stick lying around) haha!

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    1. Ah Michele, thank GOD for your comment! I posted this yesterday afternoon, and yes, there's been multiple hits - but not a sausage on the comment front! I felt sure I'd gone too far this time. Oh - and http://adsensewatchdog.com keeps checking in on me (9 times since yesterday:O)! You don't think they'll shut me down, do you...?;D

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  2. HILARIOUS!!! :oD

    Stopping by from the GFC Blog Hop :) new follower!

    xoxo
    Anni // http://grapefruitprincess.blogspot.com

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  3. I'm so proud of you hun. You make me LOL as always xxx

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    1. Awww, cheers Jules! Glad to get your comment on here - I've missed them! xxx

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  4. Wow.. is all I can say. I was NOT expecting to read this when I checked out your page. However, I can't say that I'm complaining. :) I did enjoy quite a few laughs.

    I also have many posts that come across my mind that I wouldn't dare to post on my page because they don't go along with my theme. I've been tempted to start a new blog for those types of posts. However, I have yet to get my current blog to the status I would like to see it at.

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    1. Haha! Thank you for NOT running a mile. My posts aren't always quite this risque, I assure you ;)

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  5. In a million years, I didn't think I was about to read that, but that was hilarious! Also, informative (you know, with the perineum massage tip). Wish I had seen that for Baby #1 and #2.

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  6. OMG!!! I am laughing so hard at "as innocent as group of nuns doing squats in a cucumber field"!! LMFAO! I MUST find a way to use that in my daily life now! :P
    Dropping by from the GFC blog hop. :)

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  7. Well here's the thing. You had me at rhythm stick. My friend used to sing that song ad nauseam and I was sure she'd made it up! And I have lots of fun watching what Google brings in for me. It's free entertainment! LOL

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