Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Thank you for my sphincter.

Last night I was curled up in the fetus position beside a wrapped up tight sleeping baby - swaddled by Daddy I might add - and I couldn't help but be grateful for the man in my life.

The man in question was sitting behind us on the dog bed planning his lessons on my lap top. He was making sure he'd be prepared to stay home today and take a load off Momma while I recuperate - or continue to be sick. Whatever.

I was getting nasty tummy cramping and gas bubbling and intestinal gurgling every five minutes or so. Exhausted doesn't begin to describe it. The few times I nearly dropped off the edge of the world I'd come hurtling back instantaneously with a burn warning that had me leaping over Little Miss D and into our adjoining bathroom faster than you can say Holy Crap Batman!

So instead of sleeping I laid awake thinking about stuff. That can be a lot of stuff in a few seconds. My mind jumps around a lot through subject, space and time and it overlaps, so I can find myself tandem worrying...it's true. In any case, I eventually found my brain stumbling across two old boyfriends.

The TWO that got away....

They are both still FB 'friends' but other than spy on each other's lives (at least me on them every now and then) we don't really communicate save for the odd one liner every five years or so. It's nice to know they're still alive though, taking pictures or fishing.

In my tired, pitiful, and let's all feel sorry for Josie state I started to wonder what they thought when they saw pics of me and the hubs and the kids on FB. That's if they even looked or thought on me at all..

Are they thinking 'Boy, do I feel sorry for that dude!' or, 'Thank fuck it's him and not me!' and 'Poor bastard!' you know, that kinda thing.

Orrrrr, are they thinking along the lines of 'If only...." Suddenly they were sitting beside me, saying, "That could have been us.." And my brain started reeling and all I could think was "NO NO NOOO! THANK GOD IT'S NOT!!!"

Spurred on by these roaming thoughts I rolled over and whispered to the hubs,

"You're the greatest guy I know." Not the most poetic sentence, I realize, but this kind of spoken sentimentality for me is pretty Earth shattering. A small appreciative smile lifted the corner oh his mouth and without looking up he asked,

"What made you say that?"

Ah, shit. Did he have to ask? Not only is it apparent that I don't say nice stuff often enough, but my motives for saying it don't feel all that innocent somehow. I didn't have to divulge all. I could have just left it at that. But my stupid inherent honesty forces me to share my thought process with him.

"So I'm the best of three." He stated. "Gee, thanks."

There wasn't an ounce of bitterness. He was laughing at me. That's okay. A good laugh at my expense is always welcome and usually in order. I tried to explain myself, but sentimental crap coming out of this Momma's mouth is a tall order -  particularly when it's usually dripping with banter and sarcasm.

Still typing and still with a half smile on his face he said to me. "Well I'm sure if I think of two of my old girlfriends, you'd be the best out of three too."

HAHAHA! Touche! By then we both had the giggles.

He really IS the greatest man I know. For the past few days he has helped look after me and those gentle beings most important to me in the whole world. This morning he has left me here in bed with Little Miss D and taken the boys out to run at Blue Hole [WARNING MOMMAS: NOROVIRUS AT BLUE HOLE PARK THIS AM].

I am thankful for the time I had with my old BFs. I am even more thankful that it did not last. But most important of all I am thankful that I have my hubs (aka; the greatest man I know and have EVER known) by my side.

ps. I am also thankful for my sphincter.


  1. Interesting, funny and a little touching, but I might suggest that next time you post on how much you appreciate your husband you not title it:

    "Thank you for my sphincter."

  2. I was starting to wonder if "sphincter" was your pet name for Dan. haha! Best out of 3 is nothing to be ashamed of! :P

  3. Oh you poor thing!!! I have been feeling sorry for myself, with a houseful of sickies, and I am the last one still sick, but you have just proven things could be worse. The stomach stuff is so much worse than the head/chest cold.
    On the plus side, your husband is an angel. Mine does *not* seem to have a sense of humor about exes, nor does he want to talk about them. Ever. :/

  4. Stomach flu!! Boo! I hope you are better (by now, I'm so far behind on commenting!) I am FB friends with a few of my exes too; for the very same reasons. Every time I take a peek at their worlds I am grateful for the way my life turned out. My man, who drives me as far up the wall sometimes as I do him, is my very best friend. I can't imagine anyone else putting up with me :) Hang in there girl!