My kid's shit don't stink!

We were at a play date last week when my eldest went to go potty, and he sat there brooding for ages. There were three board books laying conveniently on the floor by the potty and so he read quietly to himself for a while.

He definitely doesn't get this toilet trait from me. I'm an efficient pooper; in and out, done. I don't get why people like to read on the loo. What's the deal with that? I mean, are you reading before you're pooping, or while you poop? Or have you already pooped and you're just stealing a bit of solitary time from the family?

Maybe you're not quite sure if you're done yet..... or maybe it takes a chapter or two to coax the rest of it out? Are we talking multiple wipes and flushes here? I mean, you wouldn't want to wait for the stuff to set on hard to your butt hole before wiping, surely?

That's got to be worse than wiping old Weetabix off a high chair. It doesn't make any sense to me! Come on! Get it while it's wet people! 

I can tell you that S-boy was reading while he was pooping. He'd poop a bit then read a bit then poop some more and so on.

"I'm not done pooping yet Mommy!" is all he kept saying when I went in to check on him. But the pile was growing. Well okay Baby, but we're not at home here, and that's some pretty potent perfume you're treating these home dwellers to! Poop in a dry potty is the worst. It's not as if you can work in a courtesy flush.

Luckily everyone else was outside. Then a girl a couple of years older than S-boy needed to go tinkle. I ran on ahead apologizing to the daughter and her Momma.

S-boy was done pooping, so we wiped and flushed and washed our hands quickly, so as to not make the girl pee down her leg while she waited. But man, it stunk in there. I muttered another apology to the Momma as I maneuvered my kid out of the little girl's way.

"Mom, it smells in here!" The girl complained. Our S-boy was in earshot. I wondered how he'd take it. He'd never seen anyone react negatively to his poop before. On the contrary, he's used to Momma cheering and waving a flag. I didn't want him feeling embarrassed, especially in front of a girl.

And would you believe it, the little madam actually changed her mind and decided she didn't want to go pee anymore. What? I was affronted on behalf of big kid. My boy's shit don't stink that bad, surely?! The girl was a neighbor's kid and so she popped home to use her non-stinky lav.

Meanwhile, seemingly unaware of the discomfort his own stench had created, S-boy played with the toy kitchen in the hall. I almost believed he was oblivious to his anti-social poop. But he noticed the second they returned.

"Oh, you came back!" he sounded surprised but happy. I guess it's not a bad lesson to learn early on in life, that a great big honking turd won't impress the ladies.

Sorry Kid, that's Momma's bad. Next time we'll light a match.