And I did it! I'm not *just* talking about staying off the blog for 40 days straight (although that's pretty unbelievable in itself) I actually took the first step in fulfilling my Lent-long ambition of becoming the local Texas dildo dealer.
You are now in the blogging presence of your very own Passion Party Consultant. Stick with me ladies, and I'll show you a whole new world of fun-tastic toe-curling toys sure to bring you closer to the angels..
'Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God.... Oh.. Oh.... OOOOOOOOOO!!'
When my starter kit arrived last week, I couldn't help bragging about the goodies to one of my Mommy friends at the park.
"Did you get one of those bunny vibes?" She said a little too passe. I could almost hear the bored yawn.
Yes, I did. Only she has NO IDEA.
Hell - even I had no idea!
*ME* that attended an Ann Summers' party back in the UK with my Mum and sister in tow in my early twenties. *ME* that would proudly pick up porn in the sales baskets at Holland's equivalent to Best Buy.
But now, being a respectable Mommy of three babies (there's no denying this lady puts out - am I right?) it must be nearly four years since I last attended a toy party. Back then there were already some super fun gadgets on the market. I imagined I would be touting similar models.
But Holy Mother of ALL THAT IS HOLY.
It turns out that the past four years haven't been solely about the evolution of computer technology. And while I genuinely appreciate the advancements in i-technology, I am so much more frigging excited about the evolution of vibrators!
Damn - you won't believe what's in my box folks!
I'm just going to say it, WE-VIBE 3.
Ladies, if you don't know what this is - get to know. This is the new innovation in couples play. Because let's face it, when it comes to sexual intercourse, God simply didn't give man enough hands OR put the clitoris in the right place.
But this holy fuck up in location doesn't have to mean eternal disappointment and frustration. Mankind was also given a brain to overcome this clitoral conundrum. And overcome it s/he finally did. And I am so grateful to be living in this modern day and age.
I'll say it again WE-VIBE 3.
Happy Easter folks!
Mommy blogging will resume shortly.
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