Momma's got a parasite

"She's such a happy baby!" everyone gushes about Miss Dagny. 'Humph!' Thinks Mommy. There's a boatload of boob action behind that apparent happiness. And that's not because the girl doesn't eat real grub. She gives her Daddy a run for his money for daily calorific consumption!

She is just -quite frankly put - overly partial to her mama's tatas. More so than the boys (at least from what I can remember) which surprises me. For some Freudian reason I'd presumed that boys would be more into the boobs than girls.

Dagny finds it hard to be in the presence of Mommy without her lips attached. Whenever I enter the room Daddy swears on her former happiness but her incessant wailing for Mommy makes it somewhat hard to believe. The wailing doesn't end when I pick her up. Instead it heightens in intensity as she dives for my shirt front.

If I don't pull down my shirt STAT all Hell will break loose. She throws a big angry girl wobbly. It's so very high pitched that I imagine the dogs, way up high on our hillside, have their ears hitched up in response to her cries. My only safe course of action is to lay her down on the carpet so she doesn't hurt herself. Often one of her big brothers will step up and distract little sis out of her tantrum, but sometimes she won't let up until she gets her way. The little madam.

For the past few months her sharp new teeth have been cutting slowly and laboriously through her tender pink flesh, which must do quite a bit more than simply tickle her gums. It takes a tougher soul than this momma to deny a baby girl natures anesthetic. But that doesn't explain the instantaneous 'need' that develops when she casts eyes on her mommy.

If I were a cartoon character every time Dagny looked at me I would transform into two floating milk bottles!!!

If I don't limit her boob time ~ allowing for her hunger and teething pain plus a bit of old-fashioned comforting ~ she very quickly expects access 24/7. Not the most practical set-up with two very busy boys taking equal parts share in Momma's time.

Some days I have resorted to topless floor games in order to satisfy all my kids' attention needs. Either conveniently - or skillfully developed out of sheer necessity - Dagny does not need to be nursed in a conventional way. She will quite happily play and crawl and climb over her brothers to get to a 'teet'.

This third child more than any of the others has demonstrated to me just how animalistic we humans can be. She also makes her momma feel like a world record-breaking multi-tasker! My hands can be holding a book or playing cards or building a Lego bridge with Lennox, and she can be standing beneath my raised arms with her hands braced against my tummy suckling milk while I carry on a pretty grown-up conversation with big kid ~ all at the same time. Like Lennox she is a go-getter - only her knack for independently hunting down Momma's milk has put her ahead of the race.

This curious skill that my daughter has developed makes for very interesting nighttime activity. She is like a miniature acrobat in the family bed and, despite my best attempts to thwart her, she will gain access to my boobies no matter what. A sure fire way for me to piss the little lady off is to wear a T-shirt to bed.

We might be in for more trouble than we know......