I always wanted to be a Journalist!

THE LOWLY STANDARD

Chief Editor: The Momma

A week ago last Thursday an engine reportedly dropped out of the bottom of a fast moving car on the bridge separating Galveston Island from the mainland. Eye witnesses, Josie Bisett aged 33 and her husband Bubba aged 72 were in the minivan behind. "It was frightening! We had to swerve to miss huge chunks of metal debris!" Mrs Bisett told us in an exclusive interview. Her elderly husband was driving at the time of the incident. Bubba's hands were still shaking when we spoke with him yesterday. "If we'd have hit one of those sons of bitches, we'd be goners!" Their three children Sonny, Putzy and Kernicky were all sleeping through the ordeal. Mr and Mrs Bisett described the offending car as being small and black. They quickly reported the incident to Facebook. 

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A 72 year old man was arrested yesterday for indecent exposure near the city of Columbus just off Interstate 10. He was seen stumbling around the back of his minivan with his pants around his ankles before proceeding to urinate in the grass verge. Eye witness Dora, aged 92, was working the cash register at the Shell garage when the incident took place. "Well, he was parked pretty far away.... and my eyes aren't what they used to be, praise the Good Lord, but I know he had his little son-of-a-gun out." Police were called to the scene and the elderly gentleman and his wife Josie Bisett aged 33 were both taken into custody. Their three children Sonny, Putzy and Kernicky were placed in temporary foster care. Two large Starbucks cups filled with what appeared to be beer were found inside the vehicle. Later the Chief of Columbus police confirmed that the liquid was in fact Mrs Bisett's urine. In a statement Mrs Bisett told the County Sheriff "We both had to go so bad and we just didn't want to wake the babies up." Bubba Bisett aged 72 told police he had been unable to pee into a cup inside the vehicle with his beautiful young wife watching him. "I wanted to pee so bad I could just about taste it!" In his statement he confessed to attempted 'peeing while driving'. Jumping from the vehicle with his junk exposed had been an act of desperation. The Bisetts' hearing is set for later this month.

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An armed robbery attempt at a Wells Fargo branch in Wimberley, Texas was thwarted yesterday when the head teller and local Councilwoman Phyllis Lovalot, aged 67, refused to open the bank's safe box. The masked robber was clad from head to toe in shiny black spandex and was holding what appeared to be a sawed-off-shotgun with a black sheet draped over it. The heroic Wimberley woman didn't flinch when the weapon was pointed her way, she simply leaned over the counter and pulled away the sheet revealing a large purple vibrator beneath. Eye witness Frank Mann, 32, a loyal customer of Wells Fargo can be heard on the security camera exclaiming "What a dildo!" It isn't clear whether he was referring to the bank robber or the toy. "I've never seen anything like it!" An assistant female bank teller, aged 22, spoke exclusively with us after the incident. "It was all big and shiny and purple. And it even moved up and down all on its own!" Phyllis Lovalot first realized the gun was not what it seemed when she heard a familiar buzzing sound coming

from the robber. "He accidentally pressed the on button! I'd recognize that sound anywhere!" She proudly told the County Sheriff. Phyllis Lovalot's husband, Lionel Lovalot, a local pastor, spoke proudly of his wife's heroic act "Ain't getting nuthin' past that woman. She's a wily one to be sure! I knew that investment would pay off. I'm just glad I let my wife borrow it from time to time." Apparently the popular hummingbird vibrator is well known around the Texas Hill Country. "It's one of my best sellers!" Confirmed local sex toy expert, Josie Bisett aged 33. The suspect escaped before the police arrived, taking his vibrator with him. An investigation is now underway. Police are expected to interview all past and present owners of this particular sex toy within Wimberley City Limits. The Chief of Police issued the following statement. "This is going to be quite an undertaking, but we'll get this son-of-a.... vibrator! I can promise y'all that!"

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None of that really happened....... or did it?

These creative journalistic reports are my contribution to Karen's Secret Subject Swap! This week, 12 plucky bloggers (yup ~ yours truly included!) picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts. My subject was “ You’re a newspaper reporter. Write a story about any event, real or imagined, serious or humorous.”  Submitted by the one and only Karen of Baking In A Tornado!  

Thank you Karen! I hope I did your subject justice. I definitely had a laugh writing it!

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. You've already enjoyed mine! Now it's time to sit back, grab a cuppa Jo, and check ALL the rest out. See you there:

Baking In A Tornado
Follow me home . . .
The Momisodes
Confessions of a part-time working mom
A Working Mom’s “Whoas”’
Evil Joy Speaks
Juicebox Confession
Stacy Sews and Schools
Searching for Sanity
Spatulas on Parade
Small Talk Mama